1. There is a fork shortage with no end in sight.
I watched my friend tear into a plate of meat and vegetables using two butter knives because too many people were tossing out their forks when disposing of their food scraps. We’ll be regressing by millions of years at this rate.
2. No one likes winter boots.
People would rather wear their tattered green Vans through snow banks up to their knees than slap on a pair of winter boots. Also worth mentioning, there is a winter coat resistance brewing. It can be -17 and I will still run into hardcore hoodie defenders. I swear I have been transported back into grade 7, listening to the boys insist, “It’s not even that cold. I don’t need a coat.” You’re cold and wet and miserable.
3. Everyone calls each other some sort of pet name.
I had gotten used to calling my friends, regardless of their gender, some variant of “girl” or “bestie,” but university took it to another level with girls referring to each other as “cutie” in regular hallway greetings. Similarly, on rotation are “pook,” “sweet pea,” “pretty princess,” and my personal favourite, my roommate calling me “kbiscus” on the daily. The girls on my floor are very affectionate with each other.
4. It is a miracle some people have made it into university.
5. It is a miracle some people have made it into adulthood.
The four-day pile of laundry dumped onto one of the machines was quite the spectacle. Did she not run out of socks by then?
6. Group projects are a form of psychological warfare.
In a future late checkout issue, my feelings *will* be described in heavy detail. But first, I need to submit—and then recover from—my group presentation.
7. The perpetual plague makes its rounds.
Silent lecture halls cannot exist when someone is hacking up a lung at the back of the room. My stockpile of daily supplements and cold and flu medication is in constant use as Norovirus and other mysterious illnesses threaten the sanctity of my residence hall. Luckily, my immune system is fabulous and I have not yet fallen victim (fingers crossed).
8. Once the winter solstice has passed, life is a precious joy again.
9. The grades you cheer for in university are the ones that would have sent you into a panic attack in high school.
Never in my life have I been so proud of my 70s and 80s. Everything was put into perspective when I congratulated myself for having emerged from my final data science exam in one piece. After such a humbling experience, truly nothing can faze me.
10. Everyone is going to fall.
They will literally fall. Down the bus stairs. Walking out of the Physics and Astronomy building. Sometimes, that slip will be enough to motivate your friend to turn right around and walk back up to her room because that was her last straw at 1 pm. At least embarrassment is temporary, and slipping will happen to everyone at some point.
So so so true!!